The Infinity Project

I’ve never thought of it before now, but as Levi Lusko states, pain is indeed a microphone. We usually take the pain we’re experiencing and smush it down or disregard it, especially when other people are watching. Or at least that’s what I’ve been taught and have experienced since 1993. But when you think of pain and suffering in a new mindset, such as that it could be a gift, your whole world has the opportunity to change.

I can already tell you that my vulnerability in the darkest seasons of life has helped so many people. I mean heck, even my old therapist said “you’ve changed the way I see the correlation on Christianity and depression. You’ve taught me that Christians can be depressed and that it doesn’t mean they are not trying.”
And for a guy to say that after maybe 5 months of being his client was so incredibly refreshing to hear. 
Or when my friend has more than one time texted me saying “I was talking to my coworker about you the other night. He/she is struggling with A & B, and I told her your story and how you’ve gotten through those same situations. battles, etc. and handled life after.” 

Or to even see people comment on my blog/post & text me about them saying they loved reading it, were inspired by it, it’s just what they needed, or it gave them a different insight to it. etc. 
This is what I’m here for. I’ve written a personal mission statement that goes somewhere along the lines of “I exist to struggle, survive, and prove to other people it can be done.” because I know that’s exactly the mission I’ve been handed.  

& please don’t get me wrong. I don’t enjoy struggling. There is no part of me that says, “YES, ANOTHER DARK DAY TO RUIN MY RELATIONSHIPS AND THINK EVERYONE HATES ME”, because that’s certainly not the case, I hate it actually. Struggling is the worst, and my good days are very few and far in between. Just ask the people in my inner circle, there’s about three of them that would tell you I’m pretty over it. It’s just something that won’t go away and I can’t really do anything to change the actual feeling itself, my job is solely to change the way I perceive it. 

Last weekend actually the Lord told me it won’t be over any time soon, and that the struggling is still a vital part of my story and my way in furthering the kingdom for Him. & believe me when I say that’s not the answer I wanted when I prayed during those hours, but it’s the outcome I got, and He also told me I’m bitter.. but that’s a story for the next post. 
All I’m saying is that I want nothing more than for the darkness to be shut off right here in October of 2019, but unfortunately it doesn’t get to shut off until eternity. So for now, we do suffer. 
But we should struggle differently, because we open up to one another and we unify as the body of Christ against this enemy attack, we can crush this. Depression and anxiety are real. Mental health issues are real. Diagnosis’ are real. But so is Jesus. And the power of the cross He died on, for YOU is realer than real. 

So we have to keep fighting even when it sucks, but that doesn’t mean you do it in silence, it actually means the exact opposite. 

Fight out loud. Use your trials as a microphone. Use your darkness as a platform. Use your everyday depression as a stage, and say it LOUD. And you don’t have to be happy about it. I was falling apart the other night and texting my mentor as usual just trying to stay afloat and she said, “Nope. You keep fighting. Tonight gets to suck. You get to want to quit. But you’re going to go to sleep and be kind to yourself. And you’re going to kick butt tomorrow. Even it’s the small things. You’re going to do it.”
& since she’s just about the only person I listen to whole heartedly, I did just that. I let it suck. I let it be hard. But I got up and kept trying the next day. Because the struggle will be my platform and the victory will be in eternity. 

I actually heard a statistic while watching a sermon the other day that during the years of the Nazi bombing, the depression rate in that country actually DECLINED instead of increased. Which seriously baffled me. But when I thought about it, I realized it’s because that country as a whole sought unity in suffering and faced it together. What if the body of Christ sought unity, helped each other, and combatted this attack instead of looking down upon antidepressants and making fun of therapy sessions. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to use my life struggles as a platform and tell everyone about the way the Lord uses me on the darkest days of my life. Because if I’m able to help one person face their darkness, or see it differently due to my story or my social media post, than my job is done. 

Fight out loud people. You have a voice