Those were the words that my mom whispered into the open casket today as we visited my grandma pre-visitation night to make sure that things were in order for the next day. My mom had woken up long before 5am in order to take her NCLEX test, her RN test, at 6:30am on Peters Creek rd.
My mom has always longed to be an RN, even before I was born. She had dreams of one day achieving it, and never put those dreams to rest. Her mom, Dorothy, was always one of her biggest fans helping her and cheering her on each step of the way. & without fail, in spring of 2017 she graduated as an LPN, and today, here in 2020, she’s officially a licensed RN in the United States.
It’s been a wild ride these past few days if we’re being honest. I had just surprised my family with a spur of the moment visit via Amtrak ticket last Sunday in order to come visit & meet my 4 month old niece. Eager to see my family and friends after living in Washington for the last two years, and Oregon after I was unfortunately laid off.
Things were good, surprised them all, and then Thursday came when I received the call. I can still hear my mom utter out the words to me, “she died”, as she was still crying. My grandma, Nina, had gone to be with our Heavenly father on July 2nd, 2020.
At a loss for words, I told my mom I was on her team, and let her know I was always there for whatever she needed. Trips back and forth from Roanoke to Lynchburg she took the next few days in order to work with her sister, my Aunt Kelly, on funeral arrangements, all while keeping her studying under control, a husband and 13 year old son at home, determined to still test on Tuesday, July 7th.
Personally, I’ve never lost anyone close to me before. I do know that the grieving process is a tough one, but it’s been such a weird experience for me within this past week or so. However, I find so much peace in the fact that my Diva of a Nina was outside tanning when all of a sudden her heart stopped. So much peace, I almost feel like I’m being rude. But she was more than ready. She didn’t go in pain, it wasn’t a slow experience, she went suddenly, and she was more than ready to see her family that had gone before her.
In the 89 years that she was on this side of heaven, she’s done so much, and has been so much to so many people. She was a beloved wife to her husband who was her absolute world, and never could be the same after he passed in 1998. She was a wonderful, nurturing mother to her three beautiful girls who couldn’t be more different from one another, and an amazing Nina who always made sure her grandkids felt loved, and were fed, just as any Nina does.
To see her lifeless body there in front of me was such a unique experience. I wasn’t sure how I would feel before I got to the funeral home. Sadness, grief, sorrow, tears, etc, I just wasn’t sure. I’ve never done this before. But seeing her body was honestly like seeing her vessel, it just wasn’t her. That wasn’t my Nina.
She wasn’t aboard the ship anymore. This flesh that was laid out in front of me, was not my singing grandma. It was not the Nina who could sass me back at any split second regardless of how old she was. It was not the Nina that was a fashionista even when it was just an outing to a Mexican restaurant, or to the dollar store. It wasn’t the Nina that always had a towel draped over her shoulder, and it surely wasn’t the Nina that I had cherished for 26 years.
She loved Law & Order, Criminal Minds, and all of the other shows that gave me, a big baby, nightmares. She was a QVC supporter, and in all honesty they should really hang a plaque for all the money spent on random things while she watched for hours with her little dog eating burnt toast and tons of butter, and more importantly give the UPS guy a raise for all of the packages I’m sure he’s still got to deliver, her legend will forever live on.
I’ll never be done telling her story, so this post feels bare, but that really describes her. Never finished, and the funnest story to tell. & you could never explain all of this woman in a single post, so I guess there will be more to come, her story isn’t over even though her earthly body is.
I love you, Nina. I’ll keep singing random things, just for you.
The Infinity Project 
Leave a comment